Saturday, October 11, 2008

Truth abides


"Love don't make things nice. It ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die." -Ronny Cammareri (Nicolas Cage, in Moonstruck)
(photo by amelia Lyon)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

You and me are we

I got this idea from Beka Lowe.

To quote and use her example: "So, here's the deal... you answer the following 12 questions about yourself: 1. What is your first name? beka 2. What is your favorite food? pizza 3. What high school did you attend? marcos de niza high school 4. What is your favorite color? green5. Who is your celebrity crush? zach braff 6. Favorite drink? water with lime7. Dream vacation? greece8. Favorite dessert? cupcakes 9. What do you want to be when you grow up? interior designer 10. What do you love most in life? being creative11. One word to describe you? crazy 12. Your Flickr name? iwillsaveyourday Wanna play?: Type your answer to each of the above questions into Flickr's search. Using only the images that appear on the first page, choose your favorite and copy and paste each of the URL’s into the Mosaic Maker (3 columns, 4 rows)... Enjoy!"

The two blank spots symbolize the mystery aspect of personality, the place in the soul that few dare to know, let alone enter. Well, that, or a computer malfunction.

Words you forget to anniversary songs

Five years ago today I left on my mission to Iowa. When I got to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah, I had a startling, pristine understanding jump me about what, exactly, being a minister of Jesus Christ for two years would entail. I never felt it so clear during the rest of my entire mission. As the feeling/understanding came on me, I thought "Do I really want to do this?" The answer was "YES."
(The picture above is Main Street in Osceola, Iowa, my first area.)

Friday, September 12, 2008

All Apologies

Um, so I appreciate every one's positive response to what is, at least for me, an unusual post. But, the thing is, I'm kinda embarrassed. I feel like I just GUSHED all over this thing. I did some pretty intense self editing while I was writing, but not quite enough. I meant to write about two paragraphs to cover the time frame indicated, instead I wrote about a million. My bad. It was good for me to cast my mind back and reflect on this time period, so maybe I take my "My Bad" back? Thinking about stuff that is long past can sometimes impress upon us lessons we didn't learn the first time, when we actually experienced the events themselves. I'm still going to finish my chronicle of the past few years, just a little slower, in order to make sure I can actually draw out the correct lessons from my experiences.

Sunday, August 03, 2008


Last August, my friend Beka Lowe, left a comment asking for an update on my life "pronto!" A year later, and all of us older and wiser too, and here we go:

I was scheduled to come home from my mission (Iowa Des Moines) on September 30, 2005. 5 months previous to my planned departure, I was in an interview with my president, Dirk Driscoll, when I broached the subject of extending my mission 6 weeks. I expressed to him some of my feelings about my service so far, and how I felt like I could give and do more. I said, "I know it doesn't work like this, but I want to make up for things." He said, that, actually, it DOES work like that. A very clear and concise teaching of pretty important aspects of The Atonement, I think. President Driscoll asked me to think about it some more, pray about it (which I hadn't done yet), and see what my parents thought. Next transfer, I told him what I wanted to do. He thought it was a good idea, and so I was able to stay in Iowa an extra 6 weeks. They were some of my hardest, and some of the best, not that it was exceptionally different than previous transfers.

So, I left Iowa and arrived back in Arizona on November 11, 2005, with no plan for my life at all. My first companion, Elder Sorensen, pretty much thought it was a sin to spend time planing your life at home when you should be doing the Lord's work. He felt that it's your job to kill yourself for the Lord, and he'll pick you up after the fact. Interestingly enough, I knew of quite a few stories to back this idea up. I pretty much picked up his philosophy on the subject. Meaning I didn't plan jack about what I'd do when I got home. By the way, I stupidly interpreted these ideas, there's a good middle ground available here, where you use the Lord's time wisely, and with your own few hours of preparation, lay some plans for the next leg of your life.

I got back to AZ and immediately it was like I never left. And I mean that in the worst way possible. I enrolled in community college, just because I was "supposed to." I started attending my stake's singles ward, which was almost sheer torture the first few weeks. I knew a few people, but didn't have any friends in the ward. I have loved going to church for a long time, but I hating going to this ward for probably the first 9 months I went. I felt so uncomfortable and useless. I would see groups of people talking and think I should go and talk to them, and then I would think, why, for what reason? I had no purpose. Purpose is one of the biggest things I learned about on my mission and through studying Preach My Gospel. I did meet some really cool people, don't get me wrong, but it was like I had lost all my friendship making skills. I got a calling after talking to the Elders' Quorum president. It was to put the chairs up after priesthood. I don't believe any calling is b.s. but this one FELT like it was. It felt like appeasement.

I was doing pretty good on the dating front, or so I thought. One time I was home teaching and dating came up, my companion said he went on 8 dates a month! Suffice it to say, he beat all 3 other guys in the room with that score. I had a friend-girl that I felt an interest towards, but it didn't go anywhere. When I told her I had a huge thing for her(something I've NEVER done to a girl before we become official), all she said was "I don't know what to say." Which is kinda inexplicable, since at the time she was dating the man she eventually married! It's also hilarious that even though we were friends, I didn't know she was dating anyone! I was pretty perplexed by the whole thing at the time, though not very tore up. Now I think it's one of my funniest stories.

Flash forward a few weeks, it's May of '06, and I decide I should CONCENTRATE on dating, and date once a week. For the inaugural of my new campaign, I decided to play it safe. I called an old crush from high school up (RE: Ashley Higgins, now Kutler, so you KNOW the story doesn't end well for ME) and asked her out. We went out and had a really good time. I planned to call her again in about two weeks, but the next day she called me to go watch a CES fireside with her. Then, on Thursday, we saw the Joseph Smith movie at the Mesa Temple Visitors Center and got ice cream afterwards. She paid, saying that she owed me for the date. When she dropped me of at my house, she walked me to the door, and gave me a hug! Like we were on a date, or something! I immediately called my friend Steve Bentz and said "I think I'm starting to hook up with Ashley Higgins!" Now a word about Ashley. I had an immense thing for her in high school, like big-big-time. And mostly, I wanted to be her friend, not necessarily go out with her at the time. I had pretty mixed feelings about serious dating during high school. I would always ask Beka to call her to come hang out in our little group, so I could spend time with her. One of the worst memories I have of being a teenager is looking to my right and seeing Jason Cross and Ashley holding hands while we were at the discount theatre watching Mr. Deeds. I wanted to die/run out of the theatre screaming. For various reasons, we never got to know each other that well, or hang out much one on one. Back to the future: So, for me the fact that we were hanging out a lot and it appeared she was starting to like me, meant a very great deal.

TO BE CONTINUED... I'm just tired of typing.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Songs That Belong

UPDATE: As requested, here is the finished song list with accompanying artists. 6/29/08

Here are my favorite songs I HEARD in 2007 (in no particular order)

-7 Stars, The Apples in Stereo
-Simple Man, Graham Nash
-All I Want Is You , Barry Louis Polisar
-My Eyes, Travis
-Boots of Spanish Leather, Nanci Griffeth
-Anyone Else But You, The Moldy Peaches
-Your Ex-lover Is Dead, Stars
-This Time Tomorrow, The Kinks
-Catch The Wind, Donovan
-Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands, Bob Dylan
-I Live In The Mess You Are, Zookeeper
-007 (Shanty Town), Desmond Dekker
-My Hands Are Shaking, Sondre Lerche
-Umbrellas, Sleeping At Last
-1234, Feist
-When I Say Go, The 1900's
-I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You, Black Kids
-The Christmas Song, The Raveonettes
-Falling, Ben Kweller
-Under Control, The Strokes
-You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb, Spoon
-All My Friends, LCD Soundsystem
-Whatever, Oasis
-Everyone's A VIP To Someone, The Go! Team
-The Start Of Something, Voxtrot
-Sin City, Limbeck
-Hanasakajijii (Four: A Great Wind, More Ash), Anathallo
-The Sweet Escape, Gwen Stefani
-Oh, Sister, Bob Dylan
-Goodbye (CWL Remix), The Postmarks
-Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken, Camera Obscura
-Lips Are Unhappy, Lucky Soul
-Make Your Own Kind Of Music, Cass Eliot
-The Rifle, Alela Diane
-Somebody Loved, The Weepies
-Wildflowers, Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers
-Tonight I Have To Leave It, Shout Out Louds
-Two Of Us, Aimee Mann And Michael Penn

Friday, January 04, 2008

this year's favorites

1.) Juno.
It's not only my favorite movie of the year, it's my favorite movie ever. It very simply (almost deceptively) tells a story about real love. And redemption (in the truest sense of the word), and getting over yourself and your precious hang-ups. And I love Ellen Page. I guess Paulie Bleeker sums it up best when he says "Can we make out now?"
2.) I Am Legend
I liked it the first time I saw it, but I fell in love the second. I had to fight not to cry. Light up the darkness.